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He makes me new, He is making me new

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

This Incredible Thing Called Pregnancy

I am currently 29 weeks pregnant, and it's starting to get really, really fun.
I know, some of you ladies with children think maybe I am writing as a result of a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones causing temporary euphoria or something!

It sure makes me tired, and achy, but overall, the feeling of carrying this tiny little miracle inside me just fills me with giggly joy. And the thought that in a few weeks (not NEARLY soon enough!)I will be holding this baby in my arms and looking into his eyes (disclaimer: yes, ultrasound technicians do make mistakes, so it could be a girl, but I refuse to call my baby IT!) fills me with more excitement than I can stand!

I can now distinguish certain body parts, such as his bottom, and even his tiny little foot! I love to poke him and make him move, almost as though we're playing a game :-)

It is miraculously incomprehensible how in love I can be with this little person that God is making inside me, and to think it will actually get better when he's here, is just more than my brain can grasp. But that's ok, it won't be a "brain thing", it will be a "heart" thing. I just Can't wait!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Change of Heart

I shouldn't be surprised. After all, I know my Father well. Perhaps not as well as I could, or as well as I'd want to, but I have come to know his love, his grace, his patience.

So when I asked him to change my heart so that I can let go of my bitterness, and He did, I shouldn't have been surprised!
I guess I'm not really surprised, just...pleasantly aware of his love for me and his will.

His will is that my heart be filled with his spirit and his love. Not my fleshly desires and emotions. His will is that I give of that love to those around me.

So when not only did he softened my heart, but softened the heart of someone I had inadvertently hurt with my bitterness and brought love back into our relationship, it is as though he was saying that he can't get enough of those prayers, because he loves to answer them. He wants nothing more than for me to be his child, and come to him when I'm at the end of myself, and ask for my heart to be more like his.

I love to do it. To recognize that I need him and ask. And then watch him work, feel him work in me, and those around me.

But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth, Such wisdom does not come down from heaven but is earthyl, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambitio, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure:then peace-loving, considerate, submissive,full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

James 3:14-17

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


This past weekend at Crosswinds, the message Jack gave was about relationships.
As he listed some of the qualities that according to Paul (in the book of Colossians)we ought to display in our relationships, one of them stuck out : Kindness.

I don't think I have ever had any particular trouble extending kindness in my life. In fact most of the time I consider myself a pretty kind person and I have been told by others that I am.
But not this past Sunday. As I thought about kindness and compassion, another quality came up that goes hand in hand with these, and that is PATIENCE. I have alluded in the past to the fact that PATIENCE is NOT one of the qualities I naturally posses, and so, I realized that though I can be kind most of the time, when I'm running low on patience, the kindness kind of goes out the window. :-(

That seems to have been happening more than I care to admit recently. I could chalk it up to pregnancy hormones but that seems like a cop-out. Truth is, I have been less patient and that has caused me to harbor unkind thoughts and feelings towards others, to the point of embitterment. What I didnt realize is that although I was trying my darnest to hide it all, it was coming out in my behavior and attitude.

And so I discovered that for a long time now, I have been trying harder to BE kind, APPEAR kind, DISPLAY kindnesss than I have been trying to honestly change my heart, ask God for patience, and wait on Him to do His work. That produced hollow, empty, meaningless kindness, not true kindness at all. I hate that realization because I do not like "fake" people, and yet, to some extent in certain situations, I was being fakely kind for the sake of appearance. YUCK. I hate that!

So this morning as I go about my tasks, and I examine the thoughs in my head and words out of my mouth, I realize that my heart is bitter, and I don't like it. So I ask my Father to cleanse my heart, and fill it with love, patience and kindness to give.
TRUE kindness, the same kindness He gives to me even when I fail and disappoint Him.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Col 3:12-14