About Me

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He makes me new, He is making me new

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Time to share some fantastic music...

A couple of really excellent songs...One of them makes my heart physically ache, so pure and from the heart. The other one is utterly simple yet so strong, honest and sensuous, it moves me to both sing and dance at the same time.

John Mayer

The Heart Of Life

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good

John Mayer

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me (now how can that be?)

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
Oh... where the light is!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Greater is He that is in you...

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
Ephesians 6:12

These past few months have brought a real spiritual awakening. Following some tragedies in my family and some other unsettling events, there was much to be journeyed through and much to learn.

One truth that has been sinking in more and more has been the reality of the Spiritual battle we are all engaged in.
The verse above really does express exactly what I am trying to say: We fight against the spiritual forces of evil.

Never have I been more aware of the real presence of the enemy, or of God's power over him.
I think many times as Christians we may avoid this topic, it isn't the most popular. I think we do ourselves and the body a disservice in doing so. I myself considered not writing this post, because of the fact that it is a very unpopular topic, but I know there is power in reminding those around us, that we are HIS and we have HIS strength on our side.

I have been attacked mercilessly in the past few months, and I was allowing the enemy in, and he was winning. But God's strength is greater. God's faithfulness is far beyond any willpower I may have. All I did was cry out and He delivered me. And He did it in a way that let me know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was HE who saved me, it was HE whose power overcame my struggle.

It is important to remember that as people who love Jesus and follow Him, we will be attacked. We will be vulnerable if we are light in this world. But more important to remember is that:

"you belong to God, my dear children...the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world." 1 John 4:4

My Life List

Some people have "bucket lists". I don't have one of those, but I do have a list in my mind of things I absolutely want to try at least once, in the next....5 years.
Some of these things may actually turn into more than just trying. Some of these things I may discover I truly love and continue them until my last day on earth.
Since I don't know which of these things will endure and which ones won't, I am very excited to begin and discover what I will truly love.
So here goes:

-take piano lessons (i have a sneaky feeling that this is a keeper, as long as I don't wimp out)
-take an art class (already enrolled in one...we'll see how that goes!)
-pick up dancing again, where I left off
-learn how to and plant a garden, so I can feed my family with REAL FOOD ;-)
-learn how to make Jam
-take a formal cooking class
-go on a Spiritual Retreat

Those are some of the things that have been floating around in my mind, and I find it helpful to write them down, lest I forget any!!

So here goes..next up is Drawing class. We'll see how I do...I have a feeling I will love it. :-)

Growing up

Growing up can do a lot of good things for us, if done right.

I am noticing myself growing up these days. I notice that when I watch a movie for example, I identify more with the middle aged couple who is fighting for their love and life, rather than the cute young couple with their budding romance.
I notice that on the rare occasion that I am browsing for a magazine to bring home, I am more attracted to "More" magazine (geared to women over 50) than 90% of the magazines aimed at my demographic.

I am noticing that I am welcoming a more mature side of me that has been slowly creeping into my life. This side of me is strong, opinionated, but waaaaaaaaaaay more relaxed at the same time. Kind of an interesting paradox. This side of me knows more than it used to, but realizes how little it actually knows.

In these days and months of introspection and self discovery I have come to realize a few very liberating things about myself. I have discovered that it is ok to be different.
I have discovered that I have been judging myself all these years for not performing to the standard that is set for a woman my age, with my faith, with my skills, potential, etc...
I have discovered that God has made me this way and HE DOESN'T CARE about my performance, He cares about my heart. And so, I don't care either.
I am discovering the sweet freedom of my Father's Love based on the sole fact that He made me and knows me and deeply delights in me.
I am discovering to indulge a little in all the little things that interest me, even if it means never specializing in any of them. I am discovering to savor and taste each day's little delights without worrying that they may not "amount" to anything in the end.
I am learning to truly hold on to what I have always known. That in the end, what matters has nothing to do with those things we spend so much of our days consumed by. What really matters are the things we are always too busy to fit into our days.
Allow me to make a sample list of these things that until recently I have been too distracted to truly enjoy:

-a truly rib squeezing hug from my boy
-a sweet kiss from my man
-a "cheshire cat" grin from anyone I love
-a warm and inviting cup of coffee
-my dogs playing with my son (notice I didn't say it the other way around)
-a wonderful chat with a dear friend
-a good HOUR of inspiring and recharging Yoga
-a good and hearty chuckle
-the time to enjoy writing, just because I love to
-the time to enjoy reading, just because I love to
-the quiet and stillness
-the noise and excitement (usually when Lakelan is home)
-a wonderful glass of red wine
-watering my (NOT DEAD) plants

there are many more....I am not saying that I have not enjoyed those things. I am saying I have been so distracted by what has been running in the back of my mind that so much of the enjoyment was being sucked out, unbeknownst to me.
Only now that I am truly present, do I NOTICE the difference. My gosh, I have been sleep walking through life! NOW I am awake, and now I feel those things so much more...
they feel real, they feel like LIFE revealing itself to me.
Some moments even feel, divine, they feel as though God is reaching down into my life to hand me these wonderful little presents.

I re-read some of my own blog entries from 5 or 6 years ago and it seems as though I have been circling this very concept all this time. But it finally feels as though I have reached its core.
Not by anything I have done, but by simply letting go. I have found God's peace in simply abandoning whatever expectations or plans I had for myself. For what makes up a "worthy" life.
A worthy life is lived with love, through and for love. A worthy life is REAL and genuine.
It is all I can claim today. By God's and my standards, it is worthy, and I can keep on just the way I am.
Sweet freedom....thank you Jesus.