I read...I'm a reader and love to read...ok, that's redundant..point is, I have been reading a few different books all having to do with walking with God, following Jesus, doing the christian life...
One thing that keeps sticking in my mind as I read so many of these books is how tightly we seem to cling to our ego. Maybe I shouldn't speak for everyone, but I do get the feeling that we all seem to waste entirely too much time doing image control, ego improvement, and the like.
I am deeply convicted of this myself, which is why I write about it here, I am someone very vulnerable to wanting to produce and maintain a certain image to the world. But I get tired of it...So much of the time I would rather just NOT care, I would love to see what would happen if WE ALL agreed that all this "selling" ourselves to others is just silly, that we can really believe the trite idea that just being real, is truly enough.
I know it's how Jesus lived. And if He did...wouldn't it be a good idea for me to as well?
well, sure, in theory, but then there's this thing called BEING HUMAN...ugh!
Still, I strive to be less human in that way...I long to be carefree and allow others to like me or not, love me or not, based on who I truly am, and not the person I "put together" for display.
Not easy...not always natural, but still worth the effort, I think...
Unfortunately so many of us have repeatedly received the message that just US isn't quite...right; or quite, pretty enough, or not as smart as others, not as accomplished, not as giving, not as humble, you name it...and even more unfortunately, we have believed it.
Believed the lie, believed that we are less than we should be. Which is so very silly, cause, you see...He formed us in the womb, to be who we are, and He carries us in His hands....
So we go about working hard at "improving" ourselves, so we can SHOW a "better" self to the world. More often than not that work is a waste of time, mostly because, we were JUST fine to begin with, and sometimes because we're using our time doing ego improvements when we could be using our time loving others, thinking of others, and LESS time looking in and evaluating and striving...
Not sure there is any big revelation here, it's a tale as old as time, we ALL do it, some more some less, I guess lately it's been on my mind more, and I so badly want to be like Jesus and say... I DON'T CARE, I DON'T play that GAME, I just want to be me!
Maybe as I get older He will work on me to get me there..to enjoy that freedom....it sure must be nice...right?
