I struggle, I fight, I clutch.
As I seek God, I also flee from him,fearing his inevitable disappointment in me.
I know me, I know what I'm capable of...I know my heart, my desires, my weakness.
I am sadly familiar with my ability to break Gods heart and my own .
At times it's all I can do to simply not succumb to my worst wishes for self destruction...
At times I crawl on my knees asking Him to save me from myself..
At times I realize, all I ever need to do is give into His heart.
But it's a dance, it's a coming and going, it's an up and down, to and from, it's a tornado of confusion, sheer willpower, brokenness and freedom.
It is paradox, it is up and down at once, it is black and white intertwined.
Only one certain truth: His love
Only one real freedom: His peace
Only one true life: His life lived in me
Only one thing I can do, only one clear choice:
To fight, still
To get up, once more
To continue to choose life, in the midst of death
His grace redeems me, His peace soothes me, His love surrounds me.
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the [a] defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?
Psalm 27:1
