The Journey

I have a confession to make. I have been lazy,mentally that is. I thought: "I'm done" "This is it" I thought: "I will grow wiser as I grow older, I will learn as I live". "Life is fine with me the way it is.

God never meant for us to be passive, but I had chosen not to see that. Being active is too much work! I did not grow up learning discipline and delayed gratification, so JUST thinking about things that cost time effort and a long term commitment,well...exhausted me! So I have been living my life in the "here and now". Any long term commitment possibility, scared me to death.

Then God started tugging at my heart,slowly...He started whispering in my ear:" you're only 25, you're not done by any stretch of the imagination, I haven't even started with you yet" He had some divine appointments for me including sermons that talked about opportunity, "getting out of the boat", pastors on the radio talking about the faithful servant who was eager and willing to obey God when He spoke to him even when it was risky...There were songs playing on the radio as I drove somewhere that spoke to a deep part of my heart "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly" was coming out of my speakers as I contemplated new dreams, goals, challenges, ideas....God was pushing me, cheering me on, saying "YES!! I do want you to dream, and for the love of ME, do not just stop there, DO IT"

I realized that I am no exception to how God works in us, and that He won't let me be lazy, because, He loves me. So He showed me the work I have in front of me, and then He cheered me on, to make the decision to not "just dream" but to actually do it.

There is great freedom in knowing that it's ok to be who you are...I love how the band "Mercy Me" puts it :" No apologies, for who I'm meant to be, the only thing that matters is, I am free".
There is freedom in knowing that God DOES love me NOW, just as I am. He will continue to love me, no matter what I do from now on. There is great strength in experiencing that freedom,because it is that same freedom that gives me the courage and confidence to TRUST that He will be there when I take the step to CHANGE who I am now, so that I can grow.

Whether I stubbornly choose to stay where I am, or whether I courageously follow Him in the Journey towards growth, He will love me. So....I ask myself..."what have I got to lose?" :-)

There is one thing I have committed to in the long term and that is my marriage. And as I contemplated that, God showed me, that He has already proven that He will be there as I grow, through happy times and tough times, He won't let me get lazy and He won't let me despair, and that He is a longsuffering God, and that He blesses us when WE are longsuffering and persevere.
So, I have more than a promise to trust, He has a good track record already :-)