Just me...for You

"The moment we deny God's fingerprint on our soul,the instant we stop listening to our uniqueness, our God hearing starts to deteriorate."

Those are the words of Michael Yaconelli, in his book "Dangerous Wonder", which I started (and finished)reading today. Many times during reading this book today I paused to take it all in. God speaking. God smiling. God with me. One of the times I felt his tug the most was when I read this particular passage.

My "God hearing" has suffered severely from my misplaced focus. I learned early on in life to deny my uniqueness and strive for sameness so it is something I am quite familiar with and efficient at. But when about 6 and 1/2 years ago I became a Christian and recognized God in my life for the first time,for a short time I knew who I was, in Jesus. I knew how I was loved and cherished, forgiven and accepted. I treasure that time in my life, it is to me the equivalent of the return of the prodigal son. The Father I never knew I had was waiting for me to come home, even when I hadn't know where home was. But I knew when I found it,it was home indeed. I was at home with my Savior, safe and scared all at the same time, in awe of Him and yet strangely peaceful. Oblivious to the world around me. Full of life. Full of Jesus.
But soon I was swept up in the struggle for sameness and acceptance by the world around me; I was striving to please him, no longer just reveling in his love and acceptance; I had learned it wasn't enough for me to just be. I had to do,earn, prove,and commit. My heart was lost somewhere in the process, my uniqueness was trampled on and promptly covered up, and I conformed to what I thought was the standard that I ought to strive for,and to becoming the person I "should" be.
How sad that must have made him! He lost me then, while I was franticly trying to find him again. I didn't realize, all I had to do was stop doing. Stop "denying his fingerprint" and be me. And be with him. That's all he's ever really wanted. To be with me. Not with the counterfeit that I would present to him, not with the politically correct and appropriately polished version of me. Just me.Messy hair, no make up, sloppy, inconsistent, unpredictable, inpatient and annoying, but also wide-eyed,eager,willing, and unique.

I am here now;I am here and you are with me,Abba. I get it, I do.
No noise, no production,no cleaning up, no covering up, just me. How could so little be enough? You make it so. You make me...enough.