the mood that I am in....

Ok, so as I have mentioned in the past there are only about 5 of you who read my blog once in a while, and really, some of things I post, I know interest only me, so...please indulge me

I find that music is very therapeutic and powerful in my life.
I am typically a very upbeat, light type of personality, as most who know me already have observed. I am outgoing, very much a people person, and love to enjoy friends' company, laughter and fun, and among the things I truly enjoy is good music.
But from time to time I do find myself in very reflective and introspective moods....this one is lasting quite a bit longer than I'm used to, and as I sink deeper into reflection, I notice I have been enjoying time alone in my car, while I drive to and from all of my daily obligations, time spent with my music. And so I am also noticing the kind of music I am drawn to these days, so as I said indulge me while I share the mood that I am in, musically speaking...

Maroon 5
Won't Go Home Without You
Sunday Morning
Better That We Break
Sweetest Goodbye

Mercy Me
Homesick
Keep Singing

John Mayer
Say

Jason Mraz
Absolutely Zero
O Lover
Sleep All Day

Sade
By Your Side

The Fray
Hundred

Matchbox 20
How Far We've Come

Nickel Creek
Beauty And The Mess

John Legend
Save Room

Chris Rice
Belong
Home Tonight

James Blunt
Billy
Goodbye My Lover

So there it is, Laura's Reflection & Introspection Playlist ;-)
Mind you some of the songs have nothing to do lyrically with what's going on inside my head, but they have an absolutely intoxicating and captivating rhythm or melody and that's why they are on this list.

If any of you decide to take a listen to any of them, let me know what you think...if you want ;-)

introspecting...

I was thinking recently in light of some recent events, about how introspective I tend to be.

In and of itself, the fact that I was thinking about how I AM introspective seems downright redundant... It's almost like I am thinking about my thinking....yikes

I am not someone who tends to fall prey to anxiety or repetitive thoughts that haunt me...I know people like that who can't find rest from their own brains at times and I do not envy that at all.

What I experience is quite different...it is as though my brain insists on taking me on a journey whether I am prepared and willing or not. It seems to happen on its own and all I know is after a few days of it, I am exhausted. It feels like I am taking one long trip into my subconscious and coming out none the wiser or better in any way... but then again maybe I don't think (there it is again) I am better or wiser, but it could just be part of a longer, more involved process that will get me to a certain "better" place eventually. I guess it could be part of growing up...

I know God has wired me in a certain way and I am learning, now in my 30's, to truly embrace and not struggle against it. I ride it out and try my best to learn something.
Perhaps it is the unintended gift of a damaged childhood...the gift of over-analizing life...

Through my tour de force into my brain this week I have come to the same conclusion over and over that I had already reached some time ago...Life is too short to be petty....too short for the unimportant inconsequential things we sometimes seem to get caught up in. Too short for forgetting to love...too short for forgetting to kiss those we love, hug them, snuggle with them...too short to not let my dog hop on my bed with me...too short to spend any time wishing instead of doing,...friendship really is worth nurturing, that sunset really IS worth stopping for, that child really IS worth listening to...

I know...it's trite, it's been said so many times before, and yet, we are stubborn humans and it seems we cannot get enough reminders of how UNIMPORTANT so many of the things that clutter our days are.

What I do today, matters tomorrow, one way or another. If I spend time on inconsequential stuff today, I might regret that tomorrow, and regret is, well...a waste of a TOO short life.

friendship

Thank God for the restorative power of friendship... Without it, the sometimes excruciating journey would be too much to bear...

that was my Facebook status today....as I am enjoying the visit of a special, lovely friend, with whom I connect deeply.

Recently life has handed me a particularly tough pill to swallow, an emotional trying bomb of sorts that just keeps exploding over and over again, a brand new level of awareness hitting me every so often. I am respecting the privacy of those involved, so I won't go into the details of the circumstances, suffice it to say, my family is in turmoil, life as I know it has forever changed, and this realization keeps hitting me over and over again on a daily basis now.

In the midst of this situation and this season in life, my great friend Ruth was coming to visit and it seemed like such bad timing as I prepared my home to welcome her, it seemed that I wouldn't possibly be able to enjoy her, her visit, or my time with her, because...well, it seems there wouldn't be much I could enjoy these days. And yet I felt a deeply reassuring arm of God around me as she held me, as she came into my home and listened, and we shared what our journeys have brought us to the past few years. Turns out, it was excellent timing, in more than one way.

So as I spend my day with her, and we share this very special bond and enjoy each other's company and our sisterhood in Christ, as she walks with me these couple of days, I am so deeply aware of the power of friendship and companionship.

Life is full of things we can't explain, things that take our breath away, things that bring us to our knees in desperation, things that shake us to our very core. God promises to walk with us, promises to go before us, but He has also given us treasures along the path to hold our hands, wipe away tears, bring us comfort in the midst of the storm.

I am struggling to sort things out, and to move forward from here, but...I am taking delight in the treasures He is giving me, I am hanging on to the strength around me and I am taking each breath with as much faith and hope as I can muster, for now. And because I have strength around me, I can take the next breath. And that's enough for now.



Thank God for friends, thank God for fellow travelers...