introspecting...

I was thinking recently in light of some recent events, about how introspective I tend to be.

In and of itself, the fact that I was thinking about how I AM introspective seems downright redundant... It's almost like I am thinking about my thinking....yikes

I am not someone who tends to fall prey to anxiety or repetitive thoughts that haunt me...I know people like that who can't find rest from their own brains at times and I do not envy that at all.

What I experience is quite different...it is as though my brain insists on taking me on a journey whether I am prepared and willing or not. It seems to happen on its own and all I know is after a few days of it, I am exhausted. It feels like I am taking one long trip into my subconscious and coming out none the wiser or better in any way... but then again maybe I don't think (there it is again) I am better or wiser, but it could just be part of a longer, more involved process that will get me to a certain "better" place eventually. I guess it could be part of growing up...

I know God has wired me in a certain way and I am learning, now in my 30's, to truly embrace and not struggle against it. I ride it out and try my best to learn something.
Perhaps it is the unintended gift of a damaged childhood...the gift of over-analizing life...

Through my tour de force into my brain this week I have come to the same conclusion over and over that I had already reached some time ago...Life is too short to be petty....too short for the unimportant inconsequential things we sometimes seem to get caught up in. Too short for forgetting to love...too short for forgetting to kiss those we love, hug them, snuggle with them...too short to not let my dog hop on my bed with me...too short to spend any time wishing instead of doing,...friendship really is worth nurturing, that sunset really IS worth stopping for, that child really IS worth listening to...

I know...it's trite, it's been said so many times before, and yet, we are stubborn humans and it seems we cannot get enough reminders of how UNIMPORTANT so many of the things that clutter our days are.

What I do today, matters tomorrow, one way or another. If I spend time on inconsequential stuff today, I might regret that tomorrow, and regret is, well...a waste of a TOO short life.