I am weak

Pastor Tyler delivered an excellent sermon today..well, he always does...
A lot of what he said made me think, but there was one thought in particular that I really needed to hear again, from 2 Corinthians 12:9:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

I have been having an exceptionally hard time with that. My weakness truly bothers me. I have had such peace lately about trusting Him, about practicing letting go of control, and resting in His care. And yet, I am still so far from where I long to be. I am still so broken, and my ways are by default still so twisted.

And then this truth was "dropped" on me kind of out of nowhere and it landed right in the center of my aching and weary heart. It's ok to be weak. Actually, it is preferable because His power is made perfect in my weakness. HIS POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN MY WEAKNESS. I  have to repeat that to myself and let it sink in, let it go deep, and land where I can accept what He has already accepted about me. 

He has already seen the depths of my weaknesses. He has already accepted these weaknesses, and His power has already overcome them. His perfect power already covers me, today, right now, as I am.

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on Me"

Whoa....boast? like..out loud? Hmm, challenge accepted. The weaker I am, the more powerful He is, right? So here goes, I shall boast gladly about my weakness, and choose to take the opportunity to see Him and His power instead, at work in and through me.

I am weak when I seek to be god in my life, to be in control of things that I cannot and should not control
I am weak when I seek to provide for my own needs instead of trusting Him and seeking His peace
I am weak when I appoint myself as judge of others and their actions and motives. When I decide that I somehow know better than they what they ought to be doing
I am weak when I sin against another in anger, when I let my hurt injure another
I am weak when I give out of compulsion, instead of out of genuine love 
I am weak when I am tempted to sin to lessen my suffering, and when I can't see that to suffer for doing good and enduring the pain while seeking Him for comfort is where His freedom is

There is so much more, but that will do for now ;-)

I am thankful for my inability "do better" 
When I relinquish any illusion that my self control is enough, my freedom begins. When I give up the idea that I can do better by simply gritting my teeth and trying harder, I can really start to grow.
When I stop trying to control my sin, and run to Him, Jesus can step in for me and take me the rest of the way.

I can't say that I have ever enjoyed my weakness, I mean..who does? It reminds me of everything that I hate. It reminds me that I am not in control. It reminds me that I can't win, try as I might.
But, today I am thankful. I can see and name my weakness. And I am so thankful that I can go to Him whenever they crop up. Constantly, over and over. I can go be with Him each time, and let His grace wash over me, and let Him carry me.

I am thankful  ^"That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10