As I reflected more on what I wrote yesterday, about not making myself the god in my life and yielding to the things I want and not giving Jesus His place, I realized, that for me,and I suspect also for many others, it's sometimes a matter of control.
I haven't quite learned that my Father in Heaven knows not only what I need but I also what I desire. He is wise in giving me those things, and He is generous. It is a wonder that I have not yet learned that because He has shown me time and time again, He has given me more than I had ever needed or asked for.
And yet, over and over, I shove Him out of my life and take over the wheel. I try do things myself, and I must say, it has NEVER ONCE worked. Not only has it not gotten me what I wanted, it has left me hurt,and sometimes someone around me hurt, discouraged and angry.
Afterwards when I have crawled back to Him asking Him to forgive me for being so stubborn He has blessed me, in His own time in bigger ways than I had even hoped for.
Why don't I LEARN?!!!
I don't know....maybe I am more stubborn than I had realized...maybe control is too important to me, maybe...the hunger for control is my god and I need to dethrone it.
Or maybe it goes deeper than that. Maybe I haven't fully grasped how much my Father loves Me and I have not yet learned to trust. Maybe trusting has hurt me so deeply in the past that trusting an unseen Father to care for me seems foolish and dangerous.
But He does love me, and I CAN trust Him; or can I?
No comments:
Post a Comment