No more performing?

It's interesting, when you look inside and you realize, that the one thing you did NOT think you had a "problem" with, the one thing you didn't struggle with, turns out....is what's been pretty much motivating everything else you that think you're doing "right".Allow me to elaborate.

In reading some other friend's blogs, such as Greg's and also this Wayne guy (don't remember his last name) I've realized that I have been caught in the "performing" trap. I didn't think I was. I thought my priorities were ok in that department, I truly thought what I was seeking was a personal relationship with my Father, my Savior. So how come I don't quite "feel" it? I was still caught in the "performance wheel" I had gotten off of it, but I was still affected by it, still am actually. I quit a lot of my "church activities" partly because of lack of time but also because I was looking to see where my heart truly was, my service as of late was empty, halfhearted and I didn't like it. And now that I'm not out there, I realize....I have allowed myself to feel guilty, I have allowed this to distance me from God, because, as it turns out, I was caught in the performance trap, hoping to feel close to God by "serving" and giving of my time to others. I didn't think I was, but I was and it wasn't working.

I don't want to perform. I want to be with by my Father. I don't want to plan and organize how I will get close to God's heart, I just want to call Him to join me. I don't want to try to earn respect, love, admiration from anyone, I just want to bask in the love of My Father. No more performing...