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Wednesday, January 02, 2013

My New Year's Resolutions

I hate contrived, "traditions" whereby we make each other feel like we aren't quite doing enough, or being enough.
It sounds too much like a "should" and I hate those too.

But....

I am very much in favor of making intentional decisions to do good things, to be good things, to work on things. That, I can get on board with.

So here goes...I have been thinking about what it is that I am not currently doing or practicing that I think would be good to do.
I don't necessarily respond well to formulaic resolutions like, I vow to do x every day. or every other day. or Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. I am too much of a pain in the ass. Oops, I mean, rebel. I don't do well with schedules, formulas or too structured an expectation or plan. The wild animal inside of me might get spooked and run, and then...well, what good would that do anyone?

So, instead I think, I want to do more of those things that are good for me, for others, overall and all around GOOD stuff. How much more? I don't know, I don't much care either. However much is good, however the Spirit leads, just...more. That's quantifiable enough for me. If I am putting more good out there, I don't think it matters if I can measure it.

The number one thing I want to do more of is, Love God. And I mean...more, so much more than I do now. And the only way to be able to do that, is know Him more. My knowledge of Him is limited, and by logical consequence, so is my Love and devotion to Him. But I want more. More of Him, more communion with Him, more day to day, hour by hour, minute to minute with Him. More intimacy, more dependency, more worship, more trust. All I really need to do here is be MINDFUL. It really isn't a huge change, just a small shift, but what a difference it makes. To seek Him in all things, to see Him in and through people, beauty, love and grace...and fun, and laughter, and sweet things.
The number 2 I want to do more is a very convenient outflow of number 1. I want to love others better. I figure this one will take care of itself because that is what God does when we seek Him. He pours Himself into us and then out through us to those around us.
In the past I have gotten this process backwards and gotten very jumbled up and confused. My determination to love someone out of my own strength and gumption just aren't anything compared to God's love flowing through me, with all the freedom and grace that it carries. My limited love is flawed and conditional, broken and selfish. I desire more, and I will go to the Source for it. More love, more power, more of You in my life. (wow, that's a blast from worship music blast!).

So there it is, those are my 2 (but really one) resolutions. I will look for Him everywhere. I will ask, and I trust Him when He says that I will receive.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7)

That's the promise I am hanging onto and trusting Him with. I trust Him with my heart and I am excited to follow Him in wonderful new adventures in loving Him and those around me.

Oh! and last thing, I also want to earn as many college credits as humanly possible in one calendar year. But that's not at all related, is it? ;-)

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