I have not really taken the time to share much about my sister on this blog, because I try to respect people's privacy.
Suffice it to say that she has had a REALLY rough journey this past year and I wanted so badly to be able to give her rest, and love and comfort.I was hoping that she would be able to come visit so she could have a Florida vacation with us but it was looking unlikely to say the least.
There was the finances, the fact that she needed passports for herself and her two children, and then the fact that she needed to apply for a tourist VISA to even be allowed to get access to the US.
All these things take time, preparation, money, and quite a bit of "luck"(not really like, more like..God's help). Well...time was NOT on our side, money was not on our side, the circumstances were just not looking good. But as it turns out, God wanted to bless us, and so, against all odds, she has passports, she was JUST approved for a VISA and she has tickets. SHE IS COMING!!!!
I am very much looking forward to loving on her, having her near, laughing together, crying together, doing life together with our families. I love her so much and I will treasure having her in my home.
Thank you God....THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Paradox
Well, I've done it again....I found a new favorite author, Parker Palmer.
The man has a real gift and way with words, but beyond that, I feel so identified with his way to view and live out his spirituality.
Reading his book "The Promise of Paradox" this weekend I found that this particular passage really summed up so much of what I experience in my own journey, and so I wanted to share. Interestingly, this passage is not even written by him, but instead it's a quote from Thomas Merton:
"I have had to accept the fact that my life is almost totally paradoxical. I have also had to learn gradually to get along without apologizing for the fact, even to myself. And perhaps this preface is an indication that I have not yet completely learned. No matter. It is in the paradox itself, the paradox which was and is still a source of insecurity, that I have come to find the greatest security. I have become convinced that the very contradictions in my life are in some way signs of God's mercy to me; if only because someone so complicated and so prone to confusion and self-defeat could hardly survive for long without special mercy."
He goes on and deeper into what this paradoxical living looks like, which I am finding more and more interesting. But this passage did a great job in my opinion at setting the stage. I think as Christians we have a hard time truly accepting our whole experience on earth, because so much of it isn't black and white and straight forward. We struggle because we want concrete, definite and defined lines and boundaries and neat little boxes where our theories and beliefs can fit.
But this spiritual life is full of paradox, and though we are saved by grace, our shadow side still exists. I want to learn to live within the paradox, rather than trying to deny or hide from it. In the paradox we find God's grace, and if we can accept it, we can be freed by it.
The man has a real gift and way with words, but beyond that, I feel so identified with his way to view and live out his spirituality.
Reading his book "The Promise of Paradox" this weekend I found that this particular passage really summed up so much of what I experience in my own journey, and so I wanted to share. Interestingly, this passage is not even written by him, but instead it's a quote from Thomas Merton:
"I have had to accept the fact that my life is almost totally paradoxical. I have also had to learn gradually to get along without apologizing for the fact, even to myself. And perhaps this preface is an indication that I have not yet completely learned. No matter. It is in the paradox itself, the paradox which was and is still a source of insecurity, that I have come to find the greatest security. I have become convinced that the very contradictions in my life are in some way signs of God's mercy to me; if only because someone so complicated and so prone to confusion and self-defeat could hardly survive for long without special mercy."
He goes on and deeper into what this paradoxical living looks like, which I am finding more and more interesting. But this passage did a great job in my opinion at setting the stage. I think as Christians we have a hard time truly accepting our whole experience on earth, because so much of it isn't black and white and straight forward. We struggle because we want concrete, definite and defined lines and boundaries and neat little boxes where our theories and beliefs can fit.
But this spiritual life is full of paradox, and though we are saved by grace, our shadow side still exists. I want to learn to live within the paradox, rather than trying to deny or hide from it. In the paradox we find God's grace, and if we can accept it, we can be freed by it.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Waiting...
Since I am not by any stretch a poet or songwriter, I find it useful sometimes to borrow the words of those who
craft words so wonderfully eloquently I just have to borrow them, because it is as if they are looking in my soul and writing about me.
Such is the case with this Colin Hay song:
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Looking for gold
A while back I posted about "self made prisons" and the things we tell ourselves out of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of challenges, fear of growing pains...
I have been reading a lot lately, and been doing even more introspecting than I was doing a couple of months ago (I could hardly believe that was possible!) and the theme keeps resounding in my head.
To live authentic lives, to be faithful to whom God has made us to be, to truly look inward to see what is the raw material one has to work with, seems like a no-brainer and the best course of action, but in my experience it is a tall order. Few of us deliberately choose to live lives that betray our innermost desires, few of us choose to live non authentically, yet in my experience so many of us do, for so many reasons.
It really can take many different shapes and it can look different for everyone, but I do sometimes wonder, how many of us are really living genuine, real lives, full of the wonder and passion that God instilled in us?
I asked myself this very question and through much scrutiny found I had constructed a life that looked good on the outside, that conformed to my values, and that seemed to "fit", yet I could not for the life of me figure out why I was feeling so restless and dissatisfied. I felt I "should' feel blessed and happy, I "should" be content, I felt unchristian for feeling dissatisfied instead. I felt ungrateful. So for a while I chose to be grateful and chose to ignore what my feelings were trying to tell me.
At a certain point I could no longer ignore it. So I got over the guilt feelings long enough to truly explore what might be causing my dissatisfaction. And I found all sorts of stuff in there!
God goes with me, I am not judged for feeling this way, in fact I was doing myself a disservice by NOT honoring myself and my feelings and take them as hints and allow myself the journey of self exploration that was required.
And that is what I am in the middle of. I rest on God's promise that He will be there and help me through. I hope for His wisdom and knowledge of me to guide me through the one He has made.
I pray for the strength to take action when necessary, to honor my desires and wishes and dreams. I refuse to live a well constructed life anymore, I choose to live a real life, that reflects who I am, and not who I believe I ought to be. The path is by no means a straight or easy one, but it is worth taking. I will stumble and fall many times, but as one of my new favorite authors (Sam Keen) says"where we stumble and fall, there we find the gold".
I pray for gold, even though it may take a big fall.
I have been reading a lot lately, and been doing even more introspecting than I was doing a couple of months ago (I could hardly believe that was possible!) and the theme keeps resounding in my head.
To live authentic lives, to be faithful to whom God has made us to be, to truly look inward to see what is the raw material one has to work with, seems like a no-brainer and the best course of action, but in my experience it is a tall order. Few of us deliberately choose to live lives that betray our innermost desires, few of us choose to live non authentically, yet in my experience so many of us do, for so many reasons.
It really can take many different shapes and it can look different for everyone, but I do sometimes wonder, how many of us are really living genuine, real lives, full of the wonder and passion that God instilled in us?
I asked myself this very question and through much scrutiny found I had constructed a life that looked good on the outside, that conformed to my values, and that seemed to "fit", yet I could not for the life of me figure out why I was feeling so restless and dissatisfied. I felt I "should' feel blessed and happy, I "should" be content, I felt unchristian for feeling dissatisfied instead. I felt ungrateful. So for a while I chose to be grateful and chose to ignore what my feelings were trying to tell me.
At a certain point I could no longer ignore it. So I got over the guilt feelings long enough to truly explore what might be causing my dissatisfaction. And I found all sorts of stuff in there!
God goes with me, I am not judged for feeling this way, in fact I was doing myself a disservice by NOT honoring myself and my feelings and take them as hints and allow myself the journey of self exploration that was required.
And that is what I am in the middle of. I rest on God's promise that He will be there and help me through. I hope for His wisdom and knowledge of me to guide me through the one He has made.
I pray for the strength to take action when necessary, to honor my desires and wishes and dreams. I refuse to live a well constructed life anymore, I choose to live a real life, that reflects who I am, and not who I believe I ought to be. The path is by no means a straight or easy one, but it is worth taking. I will stumble and fall many times, but as one of my new favorite authors (Sam Keen) says"where we stumble and fall, there we find the gold".
I pray for gold, even though it may take a big fall.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
"The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm
"The basic need to fuse with another person so as to transcend the prison of one's separateness is closely related to another specifically human desire, that to know the "secret of man". While life in its merely biological aspects is a miracle and a secret, man in his human aspect is a miracle and a secret, man in his human aspects is an unfathomable secret to himself--and to his fellow man. We know ourselves, and yet even with all the efforts we may make, we do not know ourselves. We know our fellow man, and yet we do not know him, because we are not a thing, and our fellow man is not a thing. The further we reach into the depth of our being, or someone else's being, the more the goal of knowledge eludes us.Yet we cannot help desiring to penetrate into the secret of man's soul, into the innermost nucleus which is "he"."
Not sure I need to add anything to this brilliant passage, but I will....It is fascinating to me that although we can never truly and fully know, we cannot help desiring, and striving toward it. After all, what is life if not a compelling journey of self discovery and of discovery of those around us?
Not sure I need to add anything to this brilliant passage, but I will....It is fascinating to me that although we can never truly and fully know, we cannot help desiring, and striving toward it. After all, what is life if not a compelling journey of self discovery and of discovery of those around us?
Friday, March 04, 2011
Bits and pieces of inspiring and neat lyrics, just because...
Nickel Creek -Hanging by a Thread
There's a kind of emptiness that can fill you.
There's a kind of hunger that can eat you up.
There's a cold and darker side of the moonlight.
An' there's a lonely side of love.
There's a certain kind of pain that can numb you.
There's a type of freedom that can tie you down.
Sometimes the unexplained can define you,
And sometimes, silence is the only sound.
Diego Torres-Soy de la Gente
Porque la vida es mezcla de ilusión y risa, de dolor y pena
siempre es igual
Ey nunca te rindas nunca te eches pa´tras que la vida es una no más
No te rindas hoy, tu eres luchador busca ser mejor que en la vida
todo se aprende.
Diego Torres-Quisiera
Siento que me elevo por momentos
sin ayuda del aire ni del viento
acaricio las estrellas sonriendo
y mis lagrimas van cayendo sobre el tiempo
me gustaria expresar con palabras lo que siento
cada vez que te miro y no te encuentro
Quisiera ser el angel que vive en tus suenos
quisiera ser la voz que guarda tus secretos
quisiera ser la luz que ampara tu camino
quisiera ser tu septimo sentido
y sin respirar, seguire viviendo igual
Quiero caminar hacia adelante
disfrutar de esta vida que es un arte
y saber que hubo buenas y hubo malas
si perdi o gane fue una jugada
y entre la risa y el dolor
cicatrizan los errores
Dios dira lo que el futuro esconde
Rob Thomas-Streetcorner Symphony
Some people
It's a pity
They go all their lives and never know
How to love or to let love go
But it's alright now
We'll make it through this somehow
And we'll paint the perfect picture
All the colors of this world will run together more than ever
I can feel it
Can you feel it
Come on over
Down to the corner
My sisters and my brothers of every different color
Can't you feel that sunshine telling you to hold tight
Things will be alright
Try to find a better life
Come on over
Down to the corner
My sisters and my brothers there for one another
Come on over
Man I know you wanna let yourself go
John Mayer-Great Indoors
Check your pulse it's proof that you're not listening to
The call your life's been issuing you
The rhythm of a line of idle days
Scared of a world outside you should go explore
Pull all the shades and wander the great indoors
The great indoors
So go unlock the door
And find what you are here for
Leave the great indoors
Leave the great indoors
There's a kind of emptiness that can fill you.
There's a kind of hunger that can eat you up.
There's a cold and darker side of the moonlight.
An' there's a lonely side of love.
There's a certain kind of pain that can numb you.
There's a type of freedom that can tie you down.
Sometimes the unexplained can define you,
And sometimes, silence is the only sound.
Diego Torres-Soy de la Gente
Porque la vida es mezcla de ilusión y risa, de dolor y pena
siempre es igual
Ey nunca te rindas nunca te eches pa´tras que la vida es una no más
No te rindas hoy, tu eres luchador busca ser mejor que en la vida
todo se aprende.
Diego Torres-Quisiera
Siento que me elevo por momentos
sin ayuda del aire ni del viento
acaricio las estrellas sonriendo
y mis lagrimas van cayendo sobre el tiempo
me gustaria expresar con palabras lo que siento
cada vez que te miro y no te encuentro
Quisiera ser el angel que vive en tus suenos
quisiera ser la voz que guarda tus secretos
quisiera ser la luz que ampara tu camino
quisiera ser tu septimo sentido
y sin respirar, seguire viviendo igual
Quiero caminar hacia adelante
disfrutar de esta vida que es un arte
y saber que hubo buenas y hubo malas
si perdi o gane fue una jugada
y entre la risa y el dolor
cicatrizan los errores
Dios dira lo que el futuro esconde
Rob Thomas-Streetcorner Symphony
Some people
It's a pity
They go all their lives and never know
How to love or to let love go
But it's alright now
We'll make it through this somehow
And we'll paint the perfect picture
All the colors of this world will run together more than ever
I can feel it
Can you feel it
Come on over
Down to the corner
My sisters and my brothers of every different color
Can't you feel that sunshine telling you to hold tight
Things will be alright
Try to find a better life
Come on over
Down to the corner
My sisters and my brothers there for one another
Come on over
Man I know you wanna let yourself go
John Mayer-Great Indoors
Check your pulse it's proof that you're not listening to
The call your life's been issuing you
The rhythm of a line of idle days
Scared of a world outside you should go explore
Pull all the shades and wander the great indoors
The great indoors
So go unlock the door
And find what you are here for
Leave the great indoors
Leave the great indoors
Sunday, February 27, 2011
self made prisons
It seems a common ailment among humans...unfulfilled wishes and the lack of initiative and courage for change,willingness to risk..I certainly have been guilty of it and in some ways still am.
We are creatures of habit and comfort, and it requires a pretty high probability for a really big "treat" in exchange for our efforts in order to make us consider a change in behavior, a risk, a leap of faith.
By the time we have reached maturity we have become well adept at identifying our comfort zones, our areas of expertise, we know what we can and cannot do (or we think we do), and it is so much easier to live within those limitations than to change, right?
It may be easier, but is it really living? Is limiting ourselves to what we know and what is easy and comfortable the wisest use of our short time on this earth? Is what we have to lose so important that we'd rather not risk? In some instances it might be. But more often than not, the fear of taking a chance only has to do with our pride, with coming face to face with something in us we'd rather not see, losing something we never really had in the first place. It may very well have to do with facing reality as opposed to living an illusion.
Change is hard, no doubt, and most of us only change when it seems there are no other alternatives. Some of us do take chances and risks, some fail, some succeed but that hardly is the point. I believe the point is to live life with a hope that we are rewarded for the steps we take, not for the results; that we are rewarded for getting up after falling, learning from our mistakes and trying another way. We are rewarded with insight and wisdom and a knowledge of ourselves and the world around us that we might not have had if we had stayed in our safe cocoon of self preservation.
I want that. I want a life that is dynamic, full of trying, failing, learning, succeeding. I want it because until now I have stayed "safe". All this time I have thought that my many decisions to stay the same had to do with how much work changing is, and how much time and commitment it can require, and how I was choosing to focus my time and energy otherwise, but I was only lying to myself. I realized, and have slowly and gradually been realizing, that so many of my decisions have been influenced by my need to feel safe and comfortable and NOT fail. Because failing..well...who wants that? It would say so much about who I am and who I'm not. It would maybe prove the nasty things I think about myself that I don't share with anyone, it could mean I have to change even more in light of what I might learn about myself in the process.
But I do want that. I want life. I choose to risk now, because not to risk is a level of self denial I am not willing to impose on myself. I choose to love myself enough to take a chance because failing would not be any worse than subjecting myself to a self made prison that keeps my world and who I am limited to a set of rigid beliefs that might no longer truly apply. I choose it because I refuse to let fear motivate my decisions.
I choose to be uncomfortable.. to invest and to change if only just a little at a time...so I may learn and grow, because "it is hard to let go of a comforting illusion, but harder still to construct a happy life out of perceptions and beliefs that do not correspond to the world around us."(Too soon old, too late smart, by Gordon Livingston)
We are creatures of habit and comfort, and it requires a pretty high probability for a really big "treat" in exchange for our efforts in order to make us consider a change in behavior, a risk, a leap of faith.
By the time we have reached maturity we have become well adept at identifying our comfort zones, our areas of expertise, we know what we can and cannot do (or we think we do), and it is so much easier to live within those limitations than to change, right?
It may be easier, but is it really living? Is limiting ourselves to what we know and what is easy and comfortable the wisest use of our short time on this earth? Is what we have to lose so important that we'd rather not risk? In some instances it might be. But more often than not, the fear of taking a chance only has to do with our pride, with coming face to face with something in us we'd rather not see, losing something we never really had in the first place. It may very well have to do with facing reality as opposed to living an illusion.
Change is hard, no doubt, and most of us only change when it seems there are no other alternatives. Some of us do take chances and risks, some fail, some succeed but that hardly is the point. I believe the point is to live life with a hope that we are rewarded for the steps we take, not for the results; that we are rewarded for getting up after falling, learning from our mistakes and trying another way. We are rewarded with insight and wisdom and a knowledge of ourselves and the world around us that we might not have had if we had stayed in our safe cocoon of self preservation.
I want that. I want a life that is dynamic, full of trying, failing, learning, succeeding. I want it because until now I have stayed "safe". All this time I have thought that my many decisions to stay the same had to do with how much work changing is, and how much time and commitment it can require, and how I was choosing to focus my time and energy otherwise, but I was only lying to myself. I realized, and have slowly and gradually been realizing, that so many of my decisions have been influenced by my need to feel safe and comfortable and NOT fail. Because failing..well...who wants that? It would say so much about who I am and who I'm not. It would maybe prove the nasty things I think about myself that I don't share with anyone, it could mean I have to change even more in light of what I might learn about myself in the process.
But I do want that. I want life. I choose to risk now, because not to risk is a level of self denial I am not willing to impose on myself. I choose to love myself enough to take a chance because failing would not be any worse than subjecting myself to a self made prison that keeps my world and who I am limited to a set of rigid beliefs that might no longer truly apply. I choose it because I refuse to let fear motivate my decisions.
I choose to be uncomfortable.. to invest and to change if only just a little at a time...so I may learn and grow, because "it is hard to let go of a comforting illusion, but harder still to construct a happy life out of perceptions and beliefs that do not correspond to the world around us."(Too soon old, too late smart, by Gordon Livingston)
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Shakespeare Sonet 116
I felt like sharing this tonight. It needs no comment or explanation.
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
William Shakespeare
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
William Shakespeare
Saturday, January 22, 2011
the mood that I am in....
Ok, so as I have mentioned in the past there are only about 5 of you who read my blog once in a while, and really, some of things I post, I know interest only me, so...please indulge me
I find that music is very therapeutic and powerful in my life.
I am typically a very upbeat, light type of personality, as most who know me already have observed. I am outgoing, very much a people person, and love to enjoy friends' company, laughter and fun, and among the things I truly enjoy is good music.
But from time to time I do find myself in very reflective and introspective moods....this one is lasting quite a bit longer than I'm used to, and as I sink deeper into reflection, I notice I have been enjoying time alone in my car, while I drive to and from all of my daily obligations, time spent with my music. And so I am also noticing the kind of music I am drawn to these days, so as I said indulge me while I share the mood that I am in, musically speaking...
Maroon 5
Won't Go Home Without You
Sunday Morning
Better That We Break
Sweetest Goodbye
Mercy Me
Homesick
Keep Singing
John Mayer
Say
Jason Mraz
Absolutely Zero
O Lover
Sleep All Day
Sade
By Your Side
The Fray
Hundred
Matchbox 20
How Far We've Come
Nickel Creek
Beauty And The Mess
John Legend
Save Room
Chris Rice
Belong
Home Tonight
James Blunt
Billy
Goodbye My Lover
So there it is, Laura's Reflection & Introspection Playlist ;-)
Mind you some of the songs have nothing to do lyrically with what's going on inside my head, but they have an absolutely intoxicating and captivating rhythm or melody and that's why they are on this list.
If any of you decide to take a listen to any of them, let me know what you think...if you want ;-)
I find that music is very therapeutic and powerful in my life.
I am typically a very upbeat, light type of personality, as most who know me already have observed. I am outgoing, very much a people person, and love to enjoy friends' company, laughter and fun, and among the things I truly enjoy is good music.
But from time to time I do find myself in very reflective and introspective moods....this one is lasting quite a bit longer than I'm used to, and as I sink deeper into reflection, I notice I have been enjoying time alone in my car, while I drive to and from all of my daily obligations, time spent with my music. And so I am also noticing the kind of music I am drawn to these days, so as I said indulge me while I share the mood that I am in, musically speaking...
Maroon 5
Won't Go Home Without You
Sunday Morning
Better That We Break
Sweetest Goodbye
Mercy Me
Homesick
Keep Singing
John Mayer
Say
Jason Mraz
Absolutely Zero
O Lover
Sleep All Day
Sade
By Your Side
The Fray
Hundred
Matchbox 20
How Far We've Come
Nickel Creek
Beauty And The Mess
John Legend
Save Room
Chris Rice
Belong
Home Tonight
James Blunt
Billy
Goodbye My Lover
So there it is, Laura's Reflection & Introspection Playlist ;-)
Mind you some of the songs have nothing to do lyrically with what's going on inside my head, but they have an absolutely intoxicating and captivating rhythm or melody and that's why they are on this list.
If any of you decide to take a listen to any of them, let me know what you think...if you want ;-)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
introspecting...
I was thinking recently in light of some recent events, about how introspective I tend to be.
In and of itself, the fact that I was thinking about how I AM introspective seems downright redundant... It's almost like I am thinking about my thinking....yikes
I am not someone who tends to fall prey to anxiety or repetitive thoughts that haunt me...I know people like that who can't find rest from their own brains at times and I do not envy that at all.
What I experience is quite different...it is as though my brain insists on taking me on a journey whether I am prepared and willing or not. It seems to happen on its own and all I know is after a few days of it, I am exhausted. It feels like I am taking one long trip into my subconscious and coming out none the wiser or better in any way... but then again maybe I don't think (there it is again) I am better or wiser, but it could just be part of a longer, more involved process that will get me to a certain "better" place eventually. I guess it could be part of growing up...
I know God has wired me in a certain way and I am learning, now in my 30's, to truly embrace and not struggle against it. I ride it out and try my best to learn something.
Perhaps it is the unintended gift of a damaged childhood...the gift of over-analizing life...
Through my tour de force into my brain this week I have come to the same conclusion over and over that I had already reached some time ago...Life is too short to be petty....too short for the unimportant inconsequential things we sometimes seem to get caught up in. Too short for forgetting to love...too short for forgetting to kiss those we love, hug them, snuggle with them...too short to not let my dog hop on my bed with me...too short to spend any time wishing instead of doing,...friendship really is worth nurturing, that sunset really IS worth stopping for, that child really IS worth listening to...
I know...it's trite, it's been said so many times before, and yet, we are stubborn humans and it seems we cannot get enough reminders of how UNIMPORTANT so many of the things that clutter our days are.
What I do today, matters tomorrow, one way or another. If I spend time on inconsequential stuff today, I might regret that tomorrow, and regret is, well...a waste of a TOO short life.
In and of itself, the fact that I was thinking about how I AM introspective seems downright redundant... It's almost like I am thinking about my thinking....yikes
I am not someone who tends to fall prey to anxiety or repetitive thoughts that haunt me...I know people like that who can't find rest from their own brains at times and I do not envy that at all.
What I experience is quite different...it is as though my brain insists on taking me on a journey whether I am prepared and willing or not. It seems to happen on its own and all I know is after a few days of it, I am exhausted. It feels like I am taking one long trip into my subconscious and coming out none the wiser or better in any way... but then again maybe I don't think (there it is again) I am better or wiser, but it could just be part of a longer, more involved process that will get me to a certain "better" place eventually. I guess it could be part of growing up...
I know God has wired me in a certain way and I am learning, now in my 30's, to truly embrace and not struggle against it. I ride it out and try my best to learn something.
Perhaps it is the unintended gift of a damaged childhood...the gift of over-analizing life...
Through my tour de force into my brain this week I have come to the same conclusion over and over that I had already reached some time ago...Life is too short to be petty....too short for the unimportant inconsequential things we sometimes seem to get caught up in. Too short for forgetting to love...too short for forgetting to kiss those we love, hug them, snuggle with them...too short to not let my dog hop on my bed with me...too short to spend any time wishing instead of doing,...friendship really is worth nurturing, that sunset really IS worth stopping for, that child really IS worth listening to...
I know...it's trite, it's been said so many times before, and yet, we are stubborn humans and it seems we cannot get enough reminders of how UNIMPORTANT so many of the things that clutter our days are.
What I do today, matters tomorrow, one way or another. If I spend time on inconsequential stuff today, I might regret that tomorrow, and regret is, well...a waste of a TOO short life.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
friendship
that was my Facebook status today....as I am enjoying the visit of a special, lovely friend, with whom I connect deeply.
Recently life has handed me a particularly tough pill to swallow, an emotional trying bomb of sorts that just keeps exploding over and over again, a brand new level of awareness hitting me every so often. I am respecting the privacy of those involved, so I won't go into the details of the circumstances, suffice it to say, my family is in turmoil, life as I know it has forever changed, and this realization keeps hitting me over and over again on a daily basis now.
In the midst of this situation and this season in life, my great friend Ruth was coming to visit and it seemed like such bad timing as I prepared my home to welcome her, it seemed that I wouldn't possibly be able to enjoy her, her visit, or my time with her, because...well, it seems there wouldn't be much I could enjoy these days. And yet I felt a deeply reassuring arm of God around me as she held me, as she came into my home and listened, and we shared what our journeys have brought us to the past few years. Turns out, it was excellent timing, in more than one way.
So as I spend my day with her, and we share this very special bond and enjoy each other's company and our sisterhood in Christ, as she walks with me these couple of days, I am so deeply aware of the power of friendship and companionship.
Life is full of things we can't explain, things that take our breath away, things that bring us to our knees in desperation, things that shake us to our very core. God promises to walk with us, promises to go before us, but He has also given us treasures along the path to hold our hands, wipe away tears, bring us comfort in the midst of the storm.
I am struggling to sort things out, and to move forward from here, but...I am taking delight in the treasures He is giving me, I am hanging on to the strength around me and I am taking each breath with as much faith and hope as I can muster, for now. And because I have strength around me, I can take the next breath. And that's enough for now.
Thank God for friends, thank God for fellow travelers...
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Prone To Wander
Lately God has been chasing me...in a good way of course :-)
He has been showing me so much, opening me up to so much, waking me up really, and as I was driving today and listening to my favorite Chris Rice songs I found myself enthusiastically singing along with the chorus to "Prone to Wander" relating so well to what he is trying to say about the way we can sometimes "forget" or choose to walk away and do things our own way only to find our way back and see that He is so willing and ready to love and embrace us and take us where He wants us to go.
I am filled with peace and joy today, knowing that as I make my way back from my self centered and self sufficient ways to Him, as I open myself up to live by His Spirit, He is smiling and eagerly stretching His hand out to me, so that I may follow.
So I felt like sharing the lyrics of this wonderful song with everyone out there who might feel as I do from time to time:
Prone To Wander by Chris Rice
On the surface not a ripple
Undercurrent wages war
Quiet in the sanctuary
Sin is crouching at my door
How can I be so prone to wander
So prone to leave You
So prone to die
And how can You be so full of mercy
You race to meet me and bring be back to life
I wake to find my soul in fragments
Given to a thousand loves
But only One will have no rival
Hangs to heal me, spills His blood
How can I be so prone to wander
So prone to leave You
So prone to die
And how can You be so full of mercy
You race to meet me and bring be back to life
Curse-reversing Day of Jesus
When You finally seize my soul
Freedom from myself will be
The sweetest rest I've ever known
How can I be so prone to wander
So prone to leave You
So prone to die
And how can You be so full of mercy
You race to meet me and bring be back to life
He has been showing me so much, opening me up to so much, waking me up really, and as I was driving today and listening to my favorite Chris Rice songs I found myself enthusiastically singing along with the chorus to "Prone to Wander" relating so well to what he is trying to say about the way we can sometimes "forget" or choose to walk away and do things our own way only to find our way back and see that He is so willing and ready to love and embrace us and take us where He wants us to go.
I am filled with peace and joy today, knowing that as I make my way back from my self centered and self sufficient ways to Him, as I open myself up to live by His Spirit, He is smiling and eagerly stretching His hand out to me, so that I may follow.
So I felt like sharing the lyrics of this wonderful song with everyone out there who might feel as I do from time to time:
Prone To Wander by Chris Rice
On the surface not a ripple
Undercurrent wages war
Quiet in the sanctuary
Sin is crouching at my door
How can I be so prone to wander
So prone to leave You
So prone to die
And how can You be so full of mercy
You race to meet me and bring be back to life
I wake to find my soul in fragments
Given to a thousand loves
But only One will have no rival
Hangs to heal me, spills His blood
How can I be so prone to wander
So prone to leave You
So prone to die
And how can You be so full of mercy
You race to meet me and bring be back to life
Curse-reversing Day of Jesus
When You finally seize my soul
Freedom from myself will be
The sweetest rest I've ever known
How can I be so prone to wander
So prone to leave You
So prone to die
And how can You be so full of mercy
You race to meet me and bring be back to life
P90X progress report III
Well, here I am it is September 11th and I am finishing week 10.
I can't believe I am actually so close to the finish line, 2 more intense weeks, 1 recovery week and I'll be an official P90X grad :-)
So far my feedback continues to be very positive as I progress, I continue to enjoy the workouts, I continue to put in my 6 days a week, plus the occasional double work out. I continue to endure the soreness and stiffness, and I am continuing to see progress in my strength, stamina and flexibility....and of course, the lost inches ;-)
I went ahead and finally bought a pull up bar, because I suspected that using the resistance band wasn't quite cutting it, and boy was I RIGHT!! Now, I am not claiming to be able to actually perform A PULL UP, I do have to use a chair to help me out, but the muscles are all getting the work out that it is intended for, so I am very excited to see if maybe someday in the future I will be able to do an actual honest to goodness pull up, with no chair....only time and sweat will tell!
I continue to hate Yoga X and I think I have figured out why. All the P90X workouts are so full of variety it keeps things interesting and it makes it go by fast. You challenge yourself in different ways within a work out so you don't feel like you're doing the same thing over and over for an hour. Yoga X is quite repetitive, at least the first 45 minutes...and then there's another 45 minutes of a little more varied moves to reward you for surviving that first part. I continue to do it but man...I DO NOT enjoy it, it is the only work out I have to consistently dread. Not bad considering there are about 12 different workouts in the set!
So all in all, I am very encouraged and excited to see how far I've come and looking forward to see how far I can still go.
Bring it Tony....BRING IT!
I can't believe I am actually so close to the finish line, 2 more intense weeks, 1 recovery week and I'll be an official P90X grad :-)
So far my feedback continues to be very positive as I progress, I continue to enjoy the workouts, I continue to put in my 6 days a week, plus the occasional double work out. I continue to endure the soreness and stiffness, and I am continuing to see progress in my strength, stamina and flexibility....and of course, the lost inches ;-)
I went ahead and finally bought a pull up bar, because I suspected that using the resistance band wasn't quite cutting it, and boy was I RIGHT!! Now, I am not claiming to be able to actually perform A PULL UP, I do have to use a chair to help me out, but the muscles are all getting the work out that it is intended for, so I am very excited to see if maybe someday in the future I will be able to do an actual honest to goodness pull up, with no chair....only time and sweat will tell!
I continue to hate Yoga X and I think I have figured out why. All the P90X workouts are so full of variety it keeps things interesting and it makes it go by fast. You challenge yourself in different ways within a work out so you don't feel like you're doing the same thing over and over for an hour. Yoga X is quite repetitive, at least the first 45 minutes...and then there's another 45 minutes of a little more varied moves to reward you for surviving that first part. I continue to do it but man...I DO NOT enjoy it, it is the only work out I have to consistently dread. Not bad considering there are about 12 different workouts in the set!
So all in all, I am very encouraged and excited to see how far I've come and looking forward to see how far I can still go.
Bring it Tony....BRING IT!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
P90X progress report II
I have purposely waited a while to post again on this subject so as to not become annoying....oops, too late you say? :-P
Ok...I am now at the end of week 6 and I must say, I feel GOOD! I have actually not even needed recovery drinks after work outs and the soreness is definitely there but absolutely manageable and even somewhat enjoyable (I know..craziness)
I have only skipped 3 work outs in the past 6 weeks, which I think I can consider a success given how life has a way of, well, getting IN the way. I even brought the discs with me while out of town and made a friend of mine do Yoga with me (any excuse to NOT have to do yoga alone!).
One thing has changed, I actually switched to the "Lean" program, which is a slightly different version of the "classic" program meant for those who want to burn more calories and get rid of excess...um..stuff :-)
I had initially considered the lean program when I began but chose the classic because I do enjoy lifting weights quite a bit, but after trying the "Core Synergistics" work out during recovery week and realizing that I absolutely LOVE it I decided to switch to the program that has me doing Core Syn every week :-) in place of one of the lifting work outs.
All this may sound like a lot of blablabla to most...so I will just sum it up.
I love P90X. I love the variety, the challenge and the soreness. I am very glad to have come this far but I do also look forward to continuing and seeing my gains in strength, flexibility, and overall fitness. I am so glad I took my good friend's advice and went for it!
Thanks D.!!!!! :-)
Ok...I am now at the end of week 6 and I must say, I feel GOOD! I have actually not even needed recovery drinks after work outs and the soreness is definitely there but absolutely manageable and even somewhat enjoyable (I know..craziness)
I have only skipped 3 work outs in the past 6 weeks, which I think I can consider a success given how life has a way of, well, getting IN the way. I even brought the discs with me while out of town and made a friend of mine do Yoga with me (any excuse to NOT have to do yoga alone!).
One thing has changed, I actually switched to the "Lean" program, which is a slightly different version of the "classic" program meant for those who want to burn more calories and get rid of excess...um..stuff :-)
I had initially considered the lean program when I began but chose the classic because I do enjoy lifting weights quite a bit, but after trying the "Core Synergistics" work out during recovery week and realizing that I absolutely LOVE it I decided to switch to the program that has me doing Core Syn every week :-) in place of one of the lifting work outs.
All this may sound like a lot of blablabla to most...so I will just sum it up.
I love P90X. I love the variety, the challenge and the soreness. I am very glad to have come this far but I do also look forward to continuing and seeing my gains in strength, flexibility, and overall fitness. I am so glad I took my good friend's advice and went for it!
Thanks D.!!!!! :-)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
P90X progress report
Ok, so not much to report, except, I completed my second week today! WOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Soreness has now become a way of life, a welcome and expected part of the process :-)
I am noticing that it is becoming slightly easier to get through each workout with 2 exceptions:
-Ab Ripper X; those 18 minutes of core exercises always has me reaching for the fast forward button!!!
-Yoga X was still very, VERY intense!
I am also noticing that I need bigger weights for some of the routines, (that's right BIGGER!! ;-)) which is encouraging, though expensive to do...
This Thursday I begin my third and final week in Phase 1, then comes the much dreaded "recovery" week. I use quotes because although it is a recovery from strength training, it is a very strenuous week in other ways, (Yoga X twice in one week..YOUZA).
Wish me luck! :-)
On a tastier note, after considering spending lost of cash on a "Recovery Drink", which is supposed to help the recovery of the muscles, replenish glycogen, etc etc I did some internet research and stumbled upon an article extolling the wonderful restorative powers of Chocolate Milk! That's right, chocolate milk can be used as a recovery drink as it contains the same ratio of protein/Carbs, and well, it's cheap and tastes DELICIOUS!
So I look forward to my recovery drink every day now, after my very tough work out!
Thank you for reading and have a happy and chocolatey day everyone (all 5 of you) ! :-)
Soreness has now become a way of life, a welcome and expected part of the process :-)
I am noticing that it is becoming slightly easier to get through each workout with 2 exceptions:
-Ab Ripper X; those 18 minutes of core exercises always has me reaching for the fast forward button!!!
-Yoga X was still very, VERY intense!
I am also noticing that I need bigger weights for some of the routines, (that's right BIGGER!! ;-)) which is encouraging, though expensive to do...
This Thursday I begin my third and final week in Phase 1, then comes the much dreaded "recovery" week. I use quotes because although it is a recovery from strength training, it is a very strenuous week in other ways, (Yoga X twice in one week..YOUZA).
Wish me luck! :-)
On a tastier note, after considering spending lost of cash on a "Recovery Drink", which is supposed to help the recovery of the muscles, replenish glycogen, etc etc I did some internet research and stumbled upon an article extolling the wonderful restorative powers of Chocolate Milk! That's right, chocolate milk can be used as a recovery drink as it contains the same ratio of protein/Carbs, and well, it's cheap and tastes DELICIOUS!
So I look forward to my recovery drink every day now, after my very tough work out!
Thank you for reading and have a happy and chocolatey day everyone (all 5 of you) ! :-)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
P90X progress report
Ok, so it is only day 5, why bother with a progress report?
Well, mostly because writing about it helps me stay motivated, so it is a completely selfish motive, please indulge me....or don't...it's not as though I can tell whether or not anyone is readin... ;-)
My first impression of this program is..IT ROCKS! I really like it, I like how hard it is, I like Tony Horton (yes that's right, I SAID IT!) and his style of instructing, I like the variety of work outs, I just plain like it. Don't get me wrong, it is very hard work, but I guess that's what I was looking for, a good challenge!
So, day 5 and I'd have to say, as much as it hurts, I liked the Plyometrics work out the best. It was by far the most challenging for me, because it is hard core cardio and balance and I think the fact that I was able to complete it on my first try made me feel, well, really good!
I like all the strength training work outs because it is what comes easiest to me, though the chest and back work out was a BRUTAL way to begin...
I am finding it easier to eat way better as a result because I am motivated to fuel my body properly so I can get through the workouts, which is an added unexpected bonus.
Now, the big question is, will I still feel this way 2 weeks from now? Stay tuned.... ;-)
Well, mostly because writing about it helps me stay motivated, so it is a completely selfish motive, please indulge me....or don't...it's not as though I can tell whether or not anyone is readin... ;-)
My first impression of this program is..IT ROCKS! I really like it, I like how hard it is, I like Tony Horton (yes that's right, I SAID IT!) and his style of instructing, I like the variety of work outs, I just plain like it. Don't get me wrong, it is very hard work, but I guess that's what I was looking for, a good challenge!
So, day 5 and I'd have to say, as much as it hurts, I liked the Plyometrics work out the best. It was by far the most challenging for me, because it is hard core cardio and balance and I think the fact that I was able to complete it on my first try made me feel, well, really good!
I like all the strength training work outs because it is what comes easiest to me, though the chest and back work out was a BRUTAL way to begin...
I am finding it easier to eat way better as a result because I am motivated to fuel my body properly so I can get through the workouts, which is an added unexpected bonus.
Now, the big question is, will I still feel this way 2 weeks from now? Stay tuned.... ;-)
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
P90X
I have to think that of the say..5 people who read my blog ;-) at least 2 of you have got to have heard of P90X, "extreme home fitness" program by now.
For those of you who haven't (that'd be about 3 of you) here it is in a nutshell: you spend about $140 for a set of workout DVD's and a couple of instruction books on how to reaaaaaally torture yourself for 90 days in order to achieve a stronger, leaner, healthier you. You follow the exercise schedule outlined, work out 6 days a week and eat lots and lots of protein.
Now, typically I HATE jumping on the bandwagon of seemingly too good to be true hyped up infomercial type "programs". Mostly because I have engaged in some sort of physical activity for the past 10 years and I subscribe to the idea that as long as you are willing to sweat and keep at it, you will be healthier and generally stronger and leaner, no need to do anything EXTREME.
But...I'm in the mood for a challenge. For the first time in years I do not have a gym membership (due to current circumstances)and I have been feeling sluggish and lazy and generally NOT comfortable in my own body for months now, and feel like saying ENOUGH! I AM going to do something extreme, just to prove I CAN and to improve my overall well being.
I also saw the results firsthand in a good friend of mine (Thanks for the inspiration D.!!!) which made me think...I would NOT mind that! ;-) That made me dig deeper, ask questions, read the books and even try a couple of the workouts, which in turn lead me to believe I would enjoy pushing myself in this way, achieving a new level of fitness, and well, looking better couldn't hurt right? ;-)
So here I go...I am excited to begin and wondering how much more sore I will be typing in say..6 days time? I'll keep all 5 of you posted ;-)
For those of you who haven't (that'd be about 3 of you) here it is in a nutshell: you spend about $140 for a set of workout DVD's and a couple of instruction books on how to reaaaaaally torture yourself for 90 days in order to achieve a stronger, leaner, healthier you. You follow the exercise schedule outlined, work out 6 days a week and eat lots and lots of protein.
Now, typically I HATE jumping on the bandwagon of seemingly too good to be true hyped up infomercial type "programs". Mostly because I have engaged in some sort of physical activity for the past 10 years and I subscribe to the idea that as long as you are willing to sweat and keep at it, you will be healthier and generally stronger and leaner, no need to do anything EXTREME.
But...I'm in the mood for a challenge. For the first time in years I do not have a gym membership (due to current circumstances)and I have been feeling sluggish and lazy and generally NOT comfortable in my own body for months now, and feel like saying ENOUGH! I AM going to do something extreme, just to prove I CAN and to improve my overall well being.
I also saw the results firsthand in a good friend of mine (Thanks for the inspiration D.!!!) which made me think...I would NOT mind that! ;-) That made me dig deeper, ask questions, read the books and even try a couple of the workouts, which in turn lead me to believe I would enjoy pushing myself in this way, achieving a new level of fitness, and well, looking better couldn't hurt right? ;-)
So here I go...I am excited to begin and wondering how much more sore I will be typing in say..6 days time? I'll keep all 5 of you posted ;-)
Ragamuffins
I don't really have any new words of my own, it's just, the more I read Brennan Manning, the more I want to share his words with everyone out there who is on the journey I find myself on.
The journey towards towards a stripped down and genuine self, towards real love for others, towards true and utter freedom in Jesus.
So here are some words that deeply convicted me as I read them last night:
From "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning
The letter of James counsels: Confess your sins to one another(James 5:16). This sanctuary practice aims to guide us in accepting ownership of our ragamuffin status, but as Dietrich Bonhoeffer noted, "He who is alone with his sins is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, not withstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from their fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!" At Sunday worship, as in every dimension of our existence, many of us pretend to believe we are sinners. Consequently, all we can do is pretend to believe we have been forgiven. As a result, our whole spiritual life is pseudo-repentance and pseudo-bliss.
That pretty much sums it up for me. Once again, it's those masks we wear, except in "christian culture" it's more than wanting to one up each other or make ourselves look better, it is more than that. It is not allowing ourselves to embrace the fact that even though we are FULLY forgiven by our Creator, we really are still sinners, struggling to keep going, in the muck and mire of this chaotic earthly life. Not one of us is better than any other. Not one of us has it all figured out.
I have been in situations where I have judged others for their sins. I am not above it, I have thought "shouldn't they know better?" and I have issued judgment instead of acceptance and forgiveness. And then I have been on the receiving end of that question " Laura, shouldn't you know better?" It's no fun to be on the receiving end (though I have been on the receiving end of grace and that is nice :-)) to know that you've screwed up, you've hurt and disappointed someone, you have chosen wrong, you have chosen sin.
But, it is no good to be on the giving end either, because, it is not love. It is not what Jesus did for his own, for Peter who chose wrong, for all of us, before we even asked, before we even knew we needed Him. What He did do is teach us how to love one another.
Can't we just accept and expect that those around us WILL behave sometimes in less than God honoring ways and love them through that? Can't we all see that an outstretched arm is infinitely more helpful than a pointing finger? And if we did, wouldn't people all around us feel safe enough to actually confess their sins to us so they can be free of the burden of loneliness? And wouldn't it be nice to feel safe enough to confess our sins without fear of losing out somehow?
I strive to accept and expect that because it is the only way to true fellowship with others. Honest, open and real relationship with those God has given me to love. I DON'T want to care what people THINK of ME, I want to care more about whether I am loving them well and whether I am being loved well.
I do still care what people think, about me, my image, my "performance" in life, (how do I look, what I do for a living, how my house looks, how my son behaves, how my marriage looks to others, and on and on) but of all the things I have ever wanted, being FREE of this has got to be among the top desires of my heart. To be free of performance anxiety, to be free of "what will people think" -itis, to be free of counterfeit relationships that serve only to stroke our egos.
To live in the peace of knowing that loving gets me way more brownie points ;-) HA! just kiddin'
but seriously, can't we all just get along? :-)
The journey towards towards a stripped down and genuine self, towards real love for others, towards true and utter freedom in Jesus.
So here are some words that deeply convicted me as I read them last night:
From "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning
The letter of James counsels: Confess your sins to one another(James 5:16). This sanctuary practice aims to guide us in accepting ownership of our ragamuffin status, but as Dietrich Bonhoeffer noted, "He who is alone with his sins is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, not withstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from their fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!" At Sunday worship, as in every dimension of our existence, many of us pretend to believe we are sinners. Consequently, all we can do is pretend to believe we have been forgiven. As a result, our whole spiritual life is pseudo-repentance and pseudo-bliss.
That pretty much sums it up for me. Once again, it's those masks we wear, except in "christian culture" it's more than wanting to one up each other or make ourselves look better, it is more than that. It is not allowing ourselves to embrace the fact that even though we are FULLY forgiven by our Creator, we really are still sinners, struggling to keep going, in the muck and mire of this chaotic earthly life. Not one of us is better than any other. Not one of us has it all figured out.
I have been in situations where I have judged others for their sins. I am not above it, I have thought "shouldn't they know better?" and I have issued judgment instead of acceptance and forgiveness. And then I have been on the receiving end of that question " Laura, shouldn't you know better?" It's no fun to be on the receiving end (though I have been on the receiving end of grace and that is nice :-)) to know that you've screwed up, you've hurt and disappointed someone, you have chosen wrong, you have chosen sin.
But, it is no good to be on the giving end either, because, it is not love. It is not what Jesus did for his own, for Peter who chose wrong, for all of us, before we even asked, before we even knew we needed Him. What He did do is teach us how to love one another.
Can't we just accept and expect that those around us WILL behave sometimes in less than God honoring ways and love them through that? Can't we all see that an outstretched arm is infinitely more helpful than a pointing finger? And if we did, wouldn't people all around us feel safe enough to actually confess their sins to us so they can be free of the burden of loneliness? And wouldn't it be nice to feel safe enough to confess our sins without fear of losing out somehow?
I strive to accept and expect that because it is the only way to true fellowship with others. Honest, open and real relationship with those God has given me to love. I DON'T want to care what people THINK of ME, I want to care more about whether I am loving them well and whether I am being loved well.
I do still care what people think, about me, my image, my "performance" in life, (how do I look, what I do for a living, how my house looks, how my son behaves, how my marriage looks to others, and on and on) but of all the things I have ever wanted, being FREE of this has got to be among the top desires of my heart. To be free of performance anxiety, to be free of "what will people think" -itis, to be free of counterfeit relationships that serve only to stroke our egos.
To live in the peace of knowing that loving gets me way more brownie points ;-) HA! just kiddin'
but seriously, can't we all just get along? :-)
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Jason Mraz
Those who know me know, I love Jason Mraz.
Maybe that's not the right expression, I don't know Jason Mraz, so I don't love HIM per se, but I do love his music and I love his style.
What I most respond to is his genuine approach, his humble appearance, his non pretentious way to present himself. He is one of the most successful musicians out there right now, yet he does not show any signs of being full of himself. On the contrary he seems to have no problem making a fool of himself just to get a laugh out of folks, a quality which I especially admire, as a fellow fool :-)
Maybe I'm wrong, after all, how much can you really know about someone whose job is to present a face, an image and a style that people respond to?
I have been known to be quite cynical at times, but even I would prefer to think he is what we see, true to himself and just really good at sharing what is in his heart and in his mind in a very groovy and eloquent way.
He has a true gift. His music is fun, inspired AND inspiring, moving,dynamic, his song writing is as he puts it wordplay, and he seems to have a heck of a time playing with words as he sings, his vocal talent is among the best in my humble opinion....and he makes it look...easy and fun. Just a treat for the ears all around, and if you see him live, quite the experience for the senses.
I find his enthusiasm down right contagious...his music instantly puts me in a mood....depending on the song it can be a happy silly mood, a dancing mood, a contemplative mood, but I find it almost impossible to not react and respond to it.
So, for those of you who care to listen, here is one of his great performances, I hope you enjoy it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCgCmB0QsL4
Maybe that's not the right expression, I don't know Jason Mraz, so I don't love HIM per se, but I do love his music and I love his style.
What I most respond to is his genuine approach, his humble appearance, his non pretentious way to present himself. He is one of the most successful musicians out there right now, yet he does not show any signs of being full of himself. On the contrary he seems to have no problem making a fool of himself just to get a laugh out of folks, a quality which I especially admire, as a fellow fool :-)
Maybe I'm wrong, after all, how much can you really know about someone whose job is to present a face, an image and a style that people respond to?
I have been known to be quite cynical at times, but even I would prefer to think he is what we see, true to himself and just really good at sharing what is in his heart and in his mind in a very groovy and eloquent way.
He has a true gift. His music is fun, inspired AND inspiring, moving,dynamic, his song writing is as he puts it wordplay, and he seems to have a heck of a time playing with words as he sings, his vocal talent is among the best in my humble opinion....and he makes it look...easy and fun. Just a treat for the ears all around, and if you see him live, quite the experience for the senses.
I find his enthusiasm down right contagious...his music instantly puts me in a mood....depending on the song it can be a happy silly mood, a dancing mood, a contemplative mood, but I find it almost impossible to not react and respond to it.
So, for those of you who care to listen, here is one of his great performances, I hope you enjoy it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCgCmB0QsL4
Monday, July 05, 2010
No pretense
Among the books I mentioned in my previous blog that I've been reading, there has been a fair amount of Brennan Manning books lately, incidentally, I highly recommend ALL his stuff...and I just, love how absolutely stripped down he is, how honest and real he is, because, that is what I strive to be.
At the risk of being a bit redundant after my last blog.....I HATE getting caught up in playing the game, though I do, I am human after all ;-), but I am happiest when I really have the guts to be open and real, to show everyone my weakness, my fleshly-ness, but neediness, my annoying habits, etc.
Trying to cover up those things after a while can be so exhausting! Not to mention, when I experience being loved AFTER having had the heart to strip myself of all pretense, image maintenance and the like, it is true love, true acceptance of who I truly am, rather than getting those around me to think of me a certain way. One is love at its most pure and powerful state, the other one is nothing but an ego stroke. I don't know about you but I would so much rather have real love....it's kind of like comparing a hot and gooey homemade chocolate chip cookie with a store bought sugar free, "snack well" cookie. ;-)
Brennan also talks about sometimes getting lost in daily life and the daily mundane things, forgetting to notice the wonder all around us, forgetting to enjoy what is designed to be the most enjoyable, and free things in life. Sounds cliche, but it is SO true and so easy to do.
We do have to do the mundane things, obviously, but I am realizing, that I do want to make an effort in the daily grind to notice the wonder around me. It is everywhere around me everyday, and to my advantage, I have a beautiful 4 year old boy, and that means I have a daily reminder of the heart that Christ desires from us.
An open, inquisitive, easily awed, pure heart, full of wonder and trust, ready to receive real love no matter where it comes from, not caught up in image maintenance, not concerned with the future but fully engaged in the present gift.
I truly believe this is the heart Christ desires from us not for his own purposes, but because he really wants to see us in awe, with wondrous eyes, expectant of what He may give us or show us, so that we may really enjoy life to the full...he deeply longs to fellowship with us in that place.
That is what I most desire to be and to have... honesty, wonder, a heart that is open and lives in the present, and an alive fellowship with my Father, Creator, Lover and Friend.
To experience real and honest love from and with my God and those he has given me to enjoy, it is what I cling onto, it is what will endure in this life, it is what I hope my legacy will be.
At the risk of being a bit redundant after my last blog.....I HATE getting caught up in playing the game, though I do, I am human after all ;-), but I am happiest when I really have the guts to be open and real, to show everyone my weakness, my fleshly-ness, but neediness, my annoying habits, etc.
Trying to cover up those things after a while can be so exhausting! Not to mention, when I experience being loved AFTER having had the heart to strip myself of all pretense, image maintenance and the like, it is true love, true acceptance of who I truly am, rather than getting those around me to think of me a certain way. One is love at its most pure and powerful state, the other one is nothing but an ego stroke. I don't know about you but I would so much rather have real love....it's kind of like comparing a hot and gooey homemade chocolate chip cookie with a store bought sugar free, "snack well" cookie. ;-)
Brennan also talks about sometimes getting lost in daily life and the daily mundane things, forgetting to notice the wonder all around us, forgetting to enjoy what is designed to be the most enjoyable, and free things in life. Sounds cliche, but it is SO true and so easy to do.
We do have to do the mundane things, obviously, but I am realizing, that I do want to make an effort in the daily grind to notice the wonder around me. It is everywhere around me everyday, and to my advantage, I have a beautiful 4 year old boy, and that means I have a daily reminder of the heart that Christ desires from us.
An open, inquisitive, easily awed, pure heart, full of wonder and trust, ready to receive real love no matter where it comes from, not caught up in image maintenance, not concerned with the future but fully engaged in the present gift.
I truly believe this is the heart Christ desires from us not for his own purposes, but because he really wants to see us in awe, with wondrous eyes, expectant of what He may give us or show us, so that we may really enjoy life to the full...he deeply longs to fellowship with us in that place.
That is what I most desire to be and to have... honesty, wonder, a heart that is open and lives in the present, and an alive fellowship with my Father, Creator, Lover and Friend.
To experience real and honest love from and with my God and those he has given me to enjoy, it is what I cling onto, it is what will endure in this life, it is what I hope my legacy will be.
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